have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize