She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize