The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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