So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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