Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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