I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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