She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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