Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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