I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
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They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm like, not good at living.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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