And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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