I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I smell stomach acid.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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