And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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