He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize