Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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