do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize