sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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