where am i from again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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