I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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