Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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