Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have fence marks all over my body
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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