yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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