Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize