I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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