First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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