We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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