I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize