Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize