he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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