Don't make out with my wife yet
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize