she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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