His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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