God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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