Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I haven't been this sober since birth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize