ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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