i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize