I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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