He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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