You really coming over, don't trick.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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