every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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