I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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