did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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