I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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