Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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