If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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