I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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