i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just want to make out with him forever
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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