bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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