Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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