If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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