I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize