Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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