So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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